Let it go...
- Jul 8, 2016
- 3 min read
No, I'm not talking about the song from Frozen, a movie that I have mercifully avoided so far. I'm talking about the thing you have pent up and festering inside you right now.
Don't lie, there is something. You might know exactly what it is, or you might not realize it's an issue until somebody hits that nerve and you have to fight to keep your mouth shut.
It seems to me like events and thoughts sometimes seem to cluster together to bring your attention to a certain issue. For me, that issue is holding on to frustrations or annoyances for too long. For me, especially when dealing with friends or family, turning the other cheek, or flat-out ignoring something that was said or done, is usually my preferred option. This is a horrible idea for, at the very least, these 2 reasons.
One, this works out sometimes, but more often than not, you'll be left with a slow-burning problem that will grow exponentially in size and importance until it boils over. So your friend didn't give you enough money to cover their part of the lunch you split. Not a big deal, except then you start going through the other lunches you've had with them, trying to remember if they paid their full portion. You can't be sure, but you're pretty sure this has happened before. Soon, you're telling your mutual friends or coworkers that So-and-So is a cheapskate, or that they'll try to stiff you out of lunch. Rumors swirl, things get blown out of proportion, and eventually there will be a volcanic exchange that usually ends in burnt bridges and awkward family gatherings or cafeteria lunches.
Two, friends and family are the very people you should never ignore or give free passes. If your brother, or sister, or great Aunt Tina somehow wrong you, call them on it. Talk through it, hug it out, then go back to the BBQ because you know Uncle Mikey makes the best ribs and you don't want to be the last one through the buffet line or you'll miss out. Your friends and family are the people you will interact with most in your life. There will always be a situation where your Gammy had unkind things to say about the casserole your girlfriend slaved over, or that time your buddy got that girl's number before you had a chance to try, but these are the people that truly care about you and you can depend on for love and support. If XxSickDuder187xX says nasty things about your mother and your skill level in Call of the Battlefield: Contemporary Gunfighting 7, don't rage out. Laugh it off, then vote to kick him from the server.
Sometimes people will have habits that just annoy you. You might think it would be incredibly cathartic to berate them at high volume in front of a large gathered assembly, but you would be wrong. Trust me, I unfortunately tried this option recently, and I wasn't even done with my tirade before I felt like a terrible human being. I have a teammate in a Tuesday night basketball league at the local rec center that is a bit chronically over-enthused. After 4 seasons and a crappy first half, I decided it was my duty to let him know how I felt, at an extreme level of volume and animation, in plain view of teammates, friends, parents, and wives. Guess how that turned out for me? I felt horrible, I ruined his night, and I looked (rightfully) like a huge bully in front of everyone, including my wife and son. Luckily, after a victory and several apologies, we've gotten over that unfortunate incident.
It's up to you to pick your battles. If an issue is important enough, then address it, and move on. If it isn't, then forget about it, and move on. There are plenty of situations in life where you will beat yourself up thinking of the perfect come-back in an argument, or what you could have said to that person to get them to go out with you. Think of something incredibly charismatic (or ludicrously distasteful), enjoy that mental image, then drop it. Or, laugh about the fact that you even let it bother you in the first place.
JB
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